Je t'aime
by Mediamaniac
Summary: The same words have different meanings . You hear them as lies long enough and it's truth becomes harder and harder to believe.
The first time she says it ,...he laughs .

"...I really love you , Chat ."

The peaceful silence between them as conversation lulled was broken by the gentle whisper that she let out in a moment of pure gratitude for his help, his respect , his understanding , his presence and the overwhelming desire to somehow make sure he knew how ...Important he was to her ... And He _Laughs_ .

The shock , fear and confusion that she felt at the words that slipped through her mouth were instantly replaced with indignation and ...Relief , because , It was obviously a joke _Of_ _Course ! ...she wasn't serious or something ..., right ? ._

She couldn't be .

Glad he didn't misunderstand.

Whew ! Dodged a bullet there .

But then she sees that his eyes are bit too forced shut and his laugh though loud and uninhibited , seems a bit ...too loud and seems a bit ...harsh .

Then his eyes open and as they meet hers , they widen a fraction with realisation before narrowing as a teasing and smug grin forms on his face .

"Of course , you do , ...m'lady . I am paw-sitively lovable "

 _No !_ A part of her wanted to scream . _That wasn't what she meant ! It wasn't a joke !_

But she was ruled by her mind , not her heart . Her heart was what got her into this mess.

So Ha! Ha ! So funny ! Silly cat , teasing cat , playful cat ...it wasn't serious . Just a slip of the tongue .

He let it go , so did she .

Later , she would wonder why ? Why was he _So_ sure she didn't love him? Wasn't he the one who always said she would come around ?

But , _Of course !_ He was just joking , so _Obviously_ , she was playing along .

That was all there was to it and they both knew it.

That was all.

...Right?

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The second time , ...he stays silent .

"...I can't lose you , Chat ! I ... I... _I love you_ !..."

She screams into his shoulder as her arms are wrapped around him in a vice-like grip , her mind running through the nightmares that plagued her for weeks before she broke and ran out in a panic before calling him in the middle of the night .

It felt so real .

It _Was Real_ .

She had almost lost him ... _Again_!

He saved her , got hurt and brushed away her reprimands like it _Didn't Matter !_

He needed to know ...He _had_ to know how much she needed him .

And when she saw him run towards her with wide eyes filled with concern , she launched herself into his arms , knowing he would catch her , She _Always_ Knew .

...but did he ?

As he held her in his arms ,whispering reassurances and apologies and telling her "I'm here " , "I'm okay ", "we're okay , my lady "," everything is Okay " , As she let out all the reasons He _Needed_ to Stop being So _Reckless_ and She _Needed_ Him , As she let out three words which should have freaked her out so much more than it did only for him to pause for a breath before resuming his comforting , she wondered ...did he know ?

Did he know how much she needed him ?

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.

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The third time , ...he grinned .

"...you're lucky I love you , you stupid cat ."

There was no 'oh ! he's a kidder , I was kidding too ' or 'oh ! I was just emotional ' excuse . There wasn't a manipulative peace or a desperate need .

They were fighting an akuma.

He was throwing around silly puns .

When the akuma attacked him , she pulled him out of the way letting out a quip about not being allowed to hurt _Her Cat._

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows .

She threatened to let the akuma hit him .

He said that she could never bear to let anything happen to ' _Her_ ' Cat .

And then she said her piece with an exasperated eye-roll.

He momentarily froze before peeking at her .

The fond smile didn't leave her face until it was replaced by the surprised heat that she felt when she saw the wide grin form on his face accompanied by softened eyes that spoke so much , _So Much louder_ than the words themselves .

The difference in intensity made her feel a bit ...inadequate .

When did it become so normal , so Okay for Chat to be under the title of 'Person she loved ' ? ...instead of 'people she loved '?

When did she separate him to a special love ?

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The fourth time ...he rolled his eyes .

"...you know I love you , right ? ...Chat?"

It wasn't an insulting , smug or teasing eye -roll . More like ...resigned .

Like he knew something she didn't . Like she was some child who didn't know what she was saying .

And this time , he wasn't in a good mood . He was hurt , upset about ...something , ...but not willing to share . So she pushed and when he said it didn't matter ...

 _It didn't matter._

 _He would be fine ._

 _No need to worry ._

 _It wasn't about her ._

 _Not her problem ._

 _Not something she had to bother about ._

She snapped , saying that she cared about him and of course , it was bothering her .

He chuckled , as if it was some joke . "I know you care " he said like he was reading of a script he was too tired to properly act out .

So , she was worried , ...scared ,...terrified that he didn't know ...and so she asked him .

And this time , unlike all the other times ,...he didn't let it go . He didn't let her get away with the words that they both knew meant so much more to him than to her .

"Do you really ? ...My lady ..."

His voice was knowing , taunting ...like he knew exactly what she would do , what she would think , before even she did .

And he did .

"Of cour..."

Her eyes widened as she gaped trying to answer . 'Of Course!' She wanted to scream . But ...did she ? Yes , Yes , she did . Then why ? Why couldn't she say so ? Nod her head ? Something ? She's said it before , why not now ?

As if reading her confusion , his eyes softened , filled with understanding . But that didn't make sense . What does he ...

"...how exactly do you ...love me ? My lady ..."

She froze .

Her eyes widened , her heartbeats quickened , her breathing was raged ...and her mind was running

How does she love him ? How ? ...as a friend of course . No ! That's not it . A partner ? No ! He's not just her partner . Both ? Yes ! ...right !

 _Right ?_

So why did it sound so... lacking ?

She loved him . She loved a lot of people . But he was different ,...How ? Why ? When did he ...what...

Her wide-open , but unseeing eyes caught the sympathetic look in his eyes , Him ! Her partner ! Her friend ! Her ... What else was he ? Who else was he ?

 _Who was he ?_

She looked down to see him lift her hand to his lips and gently brush them across her knuckles .

A spark.

She pulled back her hand like his lips burned her ...and immediately reached out as his gentle hands clenched and a flash of pain and regret shot through his eyes .

Then he looked up at her own wide-eyed form , frozen with confusion and regret and something , Something that was right there , so close but just not there ...not yet ,...

...and he smiled .

He looked too tired (of what ? Of hiding ? Holding back ? His family ? His friends ?...Her?) ...too tired to act and she could clearly see the sadness , but acceptance in his gentle eyes and his sweet smile .

"It's okay , m'lady . I understand ."

And then he left .

He understood ? Great ! Maybe he could explain it to her ? Cause she Did Not !

She could ask him ...but she didn't .

She could chase him ...but she didn't .

She could _Not_ shove the question into the back of her mind , knowing that the next time she sees him , he would be composed , ignore what just happened and let her pretend that there was nothing different between them .

.

...but she did .

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The fifth time ,...he cried .

It wasn't romantic .

It was raining , they were standing on a near empty street , their miraculous were timing out . He was standing in front of the unconscious body of his father with dead eyes , his heart was as broken as his body and he refused to turn around .

Then he laughed .

It wasn't sweet , teasing or anything she expected . It was broken , insane , ...like someone just stabbed him and gave him cookies .

She didn't know why he was like this .

( she didn't know that when Hawkmoth was unmasked , he had to choose .

His lady or his father .

The akuma were crowding them , filling their thoughts with the darkest versions .

Neither wanted him , both needed him . It was all a matter of which role he had to choose : the partner or the son , Chat noir , ladybug's partner or Adrien Argeste , Gabriel Argeste's son .

He chose the role of Chat noir , the hero of Paris .

Now the fight was over , but the pain he pushed away remained and had clouded his mind .

He could hear the beep from Ladybug's earrings and knew that she was going to leave . Why wouldn't she ?

His role had ended . She no longer needed a partner , no longer needed him ...and she never wanted him ...right?

His own father didn't want him ,...why would she ?

He wasn't useful anymore .)

"Chat !...chat , we need to go ..."

Ladybug stared at her partner . He had his back to her , his body was low , defeated , kneeling beside the unconscious body of the man who hunted them for so long .

Gabriel Argeste.

"...then go . There' s no need for you to stay here ...ladybug "

Why ? Why was he so broken ? So defeated ? They won ...right ?

Her heart clenched at the thought of telling the sweet boy from her class about his father , but it broke at the harshness of his voice .

"Chat ? ...I ...come on , reporters will be here soon and our miraculouses are going to..."

"THEN GO ! NOBODY'S STOPPING YOU ! JUST ... _ **JUST LEAVE**_ ! "

She flinched . _Never_ has Chat noir raised his voice against her with such ...anger? Hate ?...no ...not that ...pain?...but...

But why ? _WHY?_

 _And How can she make it stop ?_

"Chat , I don't know what's wrong but I am _Not_ leaving you here like this . So , please just come ..."

"Come where ?..."

She froze . He still wasn't facing her , instead his eyes remained of the unconscious man at his feet . His shoulders slumped as the hopelessness in his voice reached her ears .

Time was running out . They each had only 2 spots left and it was only a matter of time before someone came to check out the sudden calm .

"Come ...come away from here . Go home . Rest ...Chat ! Wha..."

"My home is dead ,..."

Her eyes widened , his voice was too low for her to understand his words but her mind was filling with dread . Years and years of reading him tells her to ' _be careful ' , 'something is wrong_ ', ...

"Cha...wha ..."

She saw him straighten up before walking over the unconscious man , the sound of his foot hitting the pavement ringing with the 'beep' of her earrings.

One spot left .

"...Go home , Ladybug . Your family must be waiting for you ."

Dead .

His voice was dead .

He never looked back , just walking further and further away from her before a green flash erupted from his feet and moved to his head , revealing in its wake a pair of orange shoes , jeans , a white shirt which got darker by the second as the rain beat down on him and wet , blond hair .

" ** _CHAT !.."_**

She didn't know why she screamed . She should have turned away , gone back to her cozy home with no fear of tomorrow cause everything was finally , _Finally Over !_

But she couldn't .

She turned around , her eyes watching him walk away , either ignoring her or not hearing her but barely took a single step before her transformation came undone .

And then there was Marinette.

Tikki flew up to her face as placed a gentle kiss on her forehead .

"Listen to your heart , Mari . "

The kwami flew lazily to her purse to rest .

And Marinette thought .

Her heart was a sporadic, crazy organ that made her do crazy things , her mind was what made her Ladybug , a hero .

But her mind never helped her reach Chat , only push him away ,... so maybe she should let her heart have a try .

Before she knew it , she was sprinting away from the path to her safe , warm , cozy home and over the unconscious father of the love of her high-school life and tripping and skidding in the rain , her voice desperate , untamed , ...terrified .

" _ **CHAAAAAAT !...**_ "

Because her heart was telling her she should be very , _Very_ afraid .

Her heart was _Screaming_ that if she let him go now , he might be gone forever.

" ** _CHAAAAAAT !..."_**

Even her mind was horrified at that thought .

She ran along the seine, not even thinking of where he might have gone , cause she didn't know , she didn't know ...but she had to to try .

 _She needed him to know ._

"CHAT!..."

Her eyes widened as she caught sight of wet blond hair and a strong , lean body ...and with every last bit of strength she had she jumped , successfully tackling him ( or a random blond guy ) down with her arms around his torso as he kept himself from falling face-down on the pavement with his hands .

"Wha...I...Ladybug ! ...is something ..."

Oh good ! Not a random stranger then . Okay heart ! What next?

"Don't leave ."

He froze . Whether that was a good thing or not , she didn't know but her hands stayed tight around his waist , fingers clutching onto his soaked shirt . ' _How many time has he chased her ?...'_

"I...you...your transforma..."

'.. _..how many times has she pushed him away ?'_

"It doesn't matter ."

Then he sighed before raising them to their knees and easily pulling her arms away from around him .

"That's enough , Ladybug ! Just go ..."

"I love you ."

It was a murmur brushing against his back , barely heard over the sound of the rain ...

His body went stiff . His hands pushed hers away like they were hot coal and he lurched forward trying to get away from her , a shuddering breath passing from his shaking lips as he tried to get away .

...but he had still heard it .

"I...lady ... No ...NO ..."

She jumped .

Her arms wove over his broad shoulders and around his neck as she all but draped herself over him , her presence engulfing him as his knees spread on the ground , his arms loosing strength causing him to fall to his elbows onto the wet pavement .

She nuzzled her head into the side of his neck , her lips brushing across his drenched golden locks before whispering into his ear .

"I love you ."

She could feel the shiver pass through his body , the sob that tore its way out of his throat . His hands rose up to clutch her arms with a desperation that made her hold him tighter . He rose up onto his knees , shaking his head .

"No...no...you ...you don't...nobody..."

"I love you ."

His body was shaking , but tense . His breathing was ragged and a soft whine escaped his lips at her words . It felt like he was breaking into pieces and she wasn't holding him strong enough to keep him together .

"La...lady..."

"I love you "

A louder sob .

"I love you "

His shaking body sagged backwards , his weight falling on her as she held him from behind , his bended knees collapsing in front of them .

"I love you ."

Tears fell freely . Desperate gasps , painful screams and breaking sobs telling to hold him closer , harder , to tell him those words in a way that they can be believed .

"I love you" _I'm here_ ,"I love you" _I'm not leaving_ , "I love you " _you're important to me_ , "I love you " _I care_ , "I love you" _I want to help_ , "I love you " _I don't want to lose you_ , "I love you " _you're precious to me_ , "I love you " ... _.I love you ._

Wrapped in her arms , half his body sprawled on the street , soaked to the core , mind , heart and body ragged and bruised , but aching to keep from giving into her safe embrace for a few more seconds ...

"I...I...my la..."

"Shhhh...I love you , kitty ."

"...I...he..."

"I love you ."

...and as his eyes fell shut under his wet bangs , a final shuddering breath fell to the wind before giving away to sweet slumber with slightest tilt in the edge of his lips and she knew , ...she knew that he finally believed her.

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 ** _A.N:-_**

 ** _So ...reviews would be much appreciated. I really want to know what people think about this cause it started with a clear outline , then I took a break and forgot the planned ending , so I'm hoping this is okay ._**

 ** _hope you liked it ._**

 ** _Please review !_**


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